I don’t know whether to be excited or worried for GISHWHES 2012

So, I was at my uncles today, and I couldn’t help but notice how lovely his Christmas decorations were.

All of the following rules must be observed at all times during the Hunt.

READ THEM CLOSELY! If you fail to follow any of the rules, or if you willfully violate any of the rules, your team will be docked points and may be disqualified. Some of these rules are designed to ensure fairness and safety, others are designed to confuse and frustrate you, still others serve no purpose whatsoever, but it is essential that you follow them all to the letter.

1. Participating: You must. If you don’t, you won’t and then you can’t.
2. Eligibility: You must be registered and have read, and agreed to, our Terms of Engagement Letter. http://www.greatestinternationalscavengerhunttheworldhaseverseen.com
3. IMPORTANT!! – Updates: At least one member of your team needs to check http://www.greatestinternationalscavengerhunttheworldhaseverseen.com/Updates every 24 hours for updates on the hunt. We may or may not email out letters to registrants so the UPDATES page is the only reliable source for information regarding submission requirements, updates, deadlines, rule changes, poems, etc. If you “didn’t know” about something it’s your team’s fault as all relevant information/updates will be posted on this page.
4. Google Forgery – Authentication: We will make sure every submission is authentic. Our team uses Google search by image to make sure you have not copied images from the Internet. They have to be photos and videos you shoot yourself. If we discover forged item submissions from a team, we will disqualify the entire team. In other words, do not cheat.
5. Complaining: Any whining, whimpering, yelling, screaming, crying, tantrum-throwing, challenging or contesting the judges or contest results will result in immediate disqualification and revocation of your GISHWHES citizenship. Seduction, however, is allowed under certain circumstances.
6. Submission Deadline: All submissions must be received in digital form by no later than 1 second prior to the deadline. The deadline is exactly 10:44 PM November 27th, 2011. Please note: all times are for MSK (Moscow Standard Time) and that President Dmitry Medvedev has abolished daylight savings time in Russia.
7. Items: We will be requesting photos, videos and the creation of certain websites or web pages.“WHAT!!!! But I don’t have a video camera and I don’t know how to create a website! HOW can I possibly win this?” you whine. To that we retort, “Don’t Whine! We told you about whining!” (see rule #4) I’m sure if you dig around between your friends, family, and coworkers, you will find someone who owns a video camera or phone with a video camera that you can borrow. Be resourceful.
8. Submission Process: FOR EACH SUBMITTED ITEM YOU MUST DO THE FOLLOWING:
   STEP ONE: Upload your item picture or video.
   A. Photos must be uploaded to http://imgur.com/ or http://tinypic.com (Using other services will get your item disqualified. Using Photobucket will get your entire team disqualified.) A few items listed in the “Photo” section of the items list could be text submission. You must submit all items, whether text or images as image files to one of these two sites.
   B. Videos must be no longer than 20 seconds unless a longer time is specified for that item. All videos must be uploaded to www.vimeo.com or www.youtube.com
   C. Websites/Webpages can be hosted anywhere you wish and designed using any platforms or formats.
   STEP TWO: Go to http://greatestinternationalscavengerhunttheworldhaseverseen.com/submit/ (LINK COMING SOON!)
   STEP THREE: You will see a form to fill out. Fill it out.
   A. FROM THE DROPDOWN LIST select your Team.
   B. FROM THE DROPDOWN LIST select the Item # you are submitting.
   C. ENTER THE DIRECT LINK to your photo or video submission (which you’ve uploaded to (imgur, vimeo, or youtube) or to the website which you’ve created.
   D. ENTER THE EMAIL YOU USED TO REGISTER.
   STEP FOUR: Click Submit.
9. Guinness. Guinness World Records has given us a list of rules we must follow in order to qualify for a world record. On important rule is that each team must submit at least 5 items to be counted toward the world record. So we all would appreciate it if every team could carry their weight and submit at least five. If your team doesn’t, you won’t qualify as part of the Guinness Record and there goes your bragging rights…Please read the other conditions that we have to meet for GISHWHES to compete to win the World Record (POSTED SOON – CHECK BACK)
10. Item Confidentiality: You may not “share” your video, picture or website items on blogs, posts, email groups etc. This is a competitive Hunt and we don’t want you giving others ideas. If we see items being promoted or shared recklessly we will dock points. If two different teams submit the same exact item, i.e. the same photo, video, or website, no team will receive credit for the submission, so guard your secrets carefully.
11. Breaking the law: As appealing as it might be, don’t get arrested. Every item in the list could conceivably be photographed or filmed legally (in most countries). If you break the law, and are caught, you’re disqualified and banished from this and all future scavenger hunts. Forever.
12. Injury of others: Don’t hurt anyone physically, emotionally, or metaphysically. If you do, your team could be docked points or disqualified altogether.
13. FAQs: See the link. http://greatestinternationalscavengerhunttheworldhaseverseen.com/faq/
14. Leashes: No photo or video of a submitted item can show a leashed dog. Leashed cats and leashed Iguanas, however, are fine.
15. Cheating: Hacking into opposing teams’ mainframes, slashing tires, laying booby traps, or stealing scavenged items, will not be tolerated. Offending teams will be punished or disqualified.
16. Copyrights: As we will be sharing with the world a number of the beautifully artistic submitted items we make the following declaration…”by submitting links, videos, images or text content (“Content”) to GISHWHES via links, emails or files, you are granting GISHWHES and its related companies and managers ALL RIGHTS related to ownership and distribution of said Content for the next 792.634 years. Such Content may be distributed, shown and broadcast in any medium at any time to any audience during this time period.”
17. Extremely Important Reminder! See Rule #17.
18. Time Zone: All dates and times mentioned in GISHWHES are in MSK (Moscow Standard Time). I hate having to repeat myself. So if I say “10:44 PM November 27th, ” and you don’t live in Moscow, you should probably do some math.
19. Shaving: During the term of the event, Men can shave everywhere except a quarter-sized circle on the left cheek. Women, armpits only. For both women and men, leg hair must be allowed to flourish.
20. Artistic Effort: Among the infinite other characteristics, GISHWHES is specifically about artistic expression as it relates to specific art and related expression and how they specifically relate to one another and, respectively to each other. We want these videos and pictures to be eye-catching, awe-inspiring and museum worthy. Extra points will be awarded if you have created “wow!” photos or videos.
21. Item Interpretation: If we request an item be in a photo or video, you may not use your “interpretation” of the item. Meaning if we request a photo of you in front of a living rhinoceros, we don’t mean you in front of a picture of a living rhinoceros, or you in front of an action figure of a rhinoceros, or you in front of a mashed potato rhinoceros, it must be you in front of a living, breathing, reeking rhinoceros. If you choose to “interpret” we will either award you bonus points based on your creativity, or dock you points based on your disappointing attempt at “securing” an item with little effort. Choose wisely, comrade…
22. Photo Manipulation: If you engage in photo manipulation to make it look like you have acquired an item, points will be deducted from your team’s score. If you think you can get away with it, think again. Jean Louis is skilled at many things including gene splicing, show-tune whistling, and photoshop identification. You must actually do or acquire the items on the list. This is not a photo manipulation contest.
23. Kosher Foods: From the time The Hunt begins, to the time it is finished, you are not permitted to eat raw or steamed okra, (deep fried is acceptable), liver pâté (of any kind), or salt cod. If anyone on your team is caught eating any of the offending foods during the Hunt, your team will be docked 30 points.
    24. Prostitution: You are not permitted to sell sex for money during The Hunt unless you live in Amsterdam, Nevada or with your therapist.
    25.Judging: All judging will be carried out by a tribunal of judges. Misha, Jean-Louise Alexander, and T.B.D. All judgments are final. See point 5.
    26.Scoring: Each item will have a certain point value assigned to it. For most items, each team will only receive credit for one submission. If a team submits multiples of that item, they will only be credited for one item.
    27.Attire: Any and all attire is allowable except for Ponchos and ascots.
    28.Bonus Points: For each item, the judges will assign bonus points to the team who has “achieved excellence in item acquisition or execution.” In other words, the very best submission of each item will receive between 5 and 30 bonus points at the judges’ discretion.
    29. Arbitrary Rules and Constraints: May be announced during The Hunt and posted on the Rules webpage. Check the website Updates page daily.
    30.Appeals: See point 5 above and if unhappy with that answer, hand write a forty-one page essay on the merits of appeals in procedural litigation and mail it to: Jean Louis Alexander, C/O U.S. Department of Justice, 950 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington DC 20530.
    31.Prizes: There will be only one winning team. No runner-ups. No pats on the back. No, “nice try.” The winning team is going to be flown round trip to Rome and will receive 3 nights stay at a nice hotel and Misha will take the entire team out for dinner. We may add to these prizes if the mood suits us and if the item submittals blow our socks off. Need more? Well, above and beyond the prizes, you will have the unbelievable title of being the “winning team” of a Guinness World Record Breaking event.
    32.Advice: Run like hell. You only have a limited time to prove that you and your team are the best, the brightest (and the most unemployed) the world has ever seen!

GISHWHESHEANS,

Congratulations on your little database implosion experiment. It worked. We had intended to use our automated team-formation program, but now we must manually sort the 6000 of you into teams of 10. 

 On other fronts: 

1. Read the Rules and Regulations VERY CAREFULLY. This is your Bible for the next week and a half. You must follow all of the rules, so don’t skim.
2. Be sure to check this page at least once every 24 hours during The Hunt, per the rules and regulations. It is your “update” page for all things important to the Hunt.
3. It is your responsibility to communicate with your teammates.
4. We suggest using phone, email, skype, and backpackit (they have a 30-day free trial) to manage your hunt. 
5. If you have a problem with one or more of your teammates, that’s life, work it out, don’t complain to us.
6. Submit your items on our submit page per the Rules and Regulations.

 Now i know some of you are chomping at the bit to get started, so without telling you exactly what the items are, i’m going to let you know a few of the ingredients that will be going into some of the items to give you a head start. You might want to start assembling some of the following: Socks, beer cozies, cotton candy, a comptometer, A Nobel Prize winner, sock monkey hats, an Eye of The Tiger LP, yoga students, mannequins, kale, mathematicians and most importantly, caffeinated beverages.

Drink the Kool-Aid, it’s delicious.

Comrades,*

This is your friend, Misha, writing to you with an important message. 

A time comes when every generation is called to a cause greater than themselves. My grandparents and great grandparents fought in World Wars. My parents, fought to stop wars. And now, it is our turn. We must do something of lasting importance with our lives. But, in the meantime, we are going to break a world record doing a scavenger hunt.  Consider this a trial run. If we can, as a group, do something bigger than any other group in the history of groups, then when the time comes, we will know that as a group, we are capable of anything.** Here’s the thing: We’ve already got enough participants to get a Guinness World Record. It’s done. The cat is snuggled up in the bag. Now if you choose not to participate in this scavenger hunt, you have to ask yourself, “Self, when I’m on my deathbed, what will I regret most?” Then you could answer in a sort of cathartic self-analysis, “Self, you will regret most having not participated in a world-record breaking, mind-blowingly fun game**** with Misha when you had the chance.”

 Please sign up. The more people who participate, the more funnest it’s going to be. Big teams makes for bigger funner. Sign up. 

Now, just to be clear, this is not a childish game.***** The stakes are huge. The entire winning team is going to be flown from wherever they live to Rome, where they will be put up in a hotel for 3 nights and taken out for spaghetti dinner by me and then flown home. If you win, but don’t want to go to Rome, you can have something equally awesome—a small stuffed mouse with your name embroidered on its back!

 I want you all to be a part of this. In fact, I want each of you to find a friend and have them sign up too (you can request to be on the same team). Sign up herehttp://www.greatestinternationalscavengerhunttheworldhaseverseen.com/. If you have questions, like “what is a scavenger hunt?” or “where do babies come from?” they may or may not be answered on the site.

I am so glad we had this time together. I will always cherish it.

Thank you******

-Misha C.

‎*For those of you at the CIA intercepting this message, the term, “Comrade” is only meant as a term of endearment.**

**Not true. “Comrade” is actually a term designed to foster a sense of paramilitary group-mind. 

***This assertion about our capability as a group has not been scientifically proven. In fact, it is an inherently unprovable assertion based on faulty logic.

****Note: If, on the contrary, you elect to participate in this event, as you lie dying you will most likely find that you regret having wasted your life playing childish games. 

*****Technically, this is a childish game.

******But only if you sign up.

Only 7 days till GISHWHES begins! If you haven’t signed up, do it soon!

http://greatestinternationalscavengerhunttheworldhaseverseen.com/

Should you require assistance from the GISHWHES HQ follow these simple directions.

Our Overload has spoken.

In just 11 days, he will be starting the “Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever seen” and he needs all of you to participate as he is aiming to break the world record!

So get your trams together (or Fly Solo) and Register here: http://greatestinternationalscavengerhunttheworldhaseverseen.com/

Come, join the mayhem that is soon to follow!

Oh, and did I mention winning Team = Round Trip to Rome, where Misha will buy everyone Dinner?